Man- my life is a never ending vortex! I'm an adult adult now!

So things have gotten better for me actually.

College:
I'm not doing well in classes- grade wise. I've been a huge screw up the entire term… although most of the term I've been really unhappy and things in my life have gotten choatic, what with my roommate going nuts and having to hold down the fort. However bad my grades are (Most likely Cs and Bs, I've no hope for As) I'm really really happy. I tried my best with my not-so-great circumstances. Which I'll not go into.

Birthday:
Now this day was the one to kickstart my mental state back into happy instead of constantly depressed and honestly just miserable anxiety overall.

First- I got a haircut the day before. I really hate wasting money on stuff like that but it was just really nice. And then I ate out for the first time in a month. I was already pretty happy despite having to work that day.

Second- on the day itself, I got to sleep in until ten. Most of this term has been rather sleepless- so that was great. I cleaned my apartment. Strange- I know- but holy heck did that feel nice. Then I visited my friend Matt- he bought me lunch. I got a meatlovers stromboli. It was SO delicious!! It's my new favorite food, hands down, no questions asked. I'm not 100% certain whether it's better than pizza(my supposed favorite food)… but it's really good. Anyhoo- Matt and I watched my neighbor totoro. I think miazaki was on acid or something, it was so random… like the heck? However, it was good movie. I really enjoyed it.

After that there was more cleaning. Followed by my friend Loe coming over. We then met up with two of my other friends plus roommate in tow to go watch Malicifent. After getting some candy (which my friend paid for)… didn't pan out. HOWEVER we got ice cream (which I finally got to pay for) and went to the next showing of X-Men instead (which I certainly didn't pay for). I seriously do not understand what it was with not letting me pay for anything but I suppose my friends are sweet.

Anyway the day was really really nice. Then I came home and drew for an hour or two and RPed a little… and that was my day. I realize I got birthday wishes on facebook, skype, and dA but have yet to respond to them. Ahhh- people are so nice. I cannot handle it.

Myself:

So I've figured something out. It might sound obvious but the key to having me be productive all the time is for me to take time for myself. Wasting time on me in the end means me actually spending more time on my projects. It's sort of cured some of my personal issues. I'm really happy and really positive and my life is much better put together and it's the weirdest thing. Because before, I wouldn't sleep, and would be working all the time… but I didn't get as much work done as I have been with sleep and wasting time on myself.

Wasting time literally just means drawing, showering, writing, hanging with friends, whatever suits my fancy. So I've decided to continue this process and see where it takes me… because at this rate I can manage my life much better if I can maintain this. And I am continuing to be more creative. It sounds like a win-win-win. I think the summer term is going to be much better ;w;

Let's hope it lasts!

Random Stuff:

So with my life getting put together this means more art I've been pouring out. I hope to post most of it soon~!!! AHHHH I am really happy and really excited and I can't wait to get things rolling again!!! >W<



DFTBA~!

I honestly swear I've been trying REALLY hard to get everything done and make time for my hobbies... which at this point is showering, interneting, and sleeping... and I almost managed it.


The Past Week:

For about 6 days straight, right up until wednesday every waking moment I was in the labs, working my butt off. I had a total of just a little over 20 hours of sleep for the entire week. It really sucked and I decided sleep would be good instead of rolling around on the internets, so thursday night and friday morning was for sleeping. I was so happy to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, it looked like the weekend wasn't going to be so bad, I could sleep more and work and do homework. Little did I know that killing myself for a week didn't amount to much...

Trip to the ER:

This was sort of the reason I'm mega behind in classes... again. Last friday I was all pumped, ready to go to the labs so I could finish my work early and get some time to sleep. However, my roommate said they were sick or something so I went out to run a few errands they wanted to do, just to keep an eye on them.

It was two hours out of my day, but hey, I had all of Friday that I wasn't working so it wasn't a big deal. Well... it became a big deal.

On the way back to our apartment my roommate was acting really really strange and within the course of five minutes was hysterical. They couldn't remember anything and they were really confused- and many many other distressing symptoms. So I ended up walking a few blocks to the nearest hospital (Thank goodness we live really close to one!) and waited to check them into the ER.

Of course friday nights are the nights where everyone and their brother ends up in the ER. After about 4-5 hours we got pulled back and 20 minutes after that we finally got a doctor. about 5 hours after that we got the diagnosis. It was a "simple" case of dehydration but because of the medication my roommate was on there was all these strange side effects.

After many more hours at the ER they'd gotten two liters of IV fluid and got discharged about 5 or 6 am. A few hours later I had work. Joy.

Saturday:

So then I was at work for many many hours before returning to my apartment to change.. and then I had to leave again to watch this play for one of the other classes... thank goodness I didn't buy a ticket for friday, else I would have been screwed.

When I got done it was apparent saturday would be over in a few hours I decided to go to my apartment to eat and then head to the labs for more work... mega joy.

After about 3 am, I remembered on sunday morning (which was a mere 5 hours from then) I'd be training people at work and would need some sleep in order to function. So I slept for a few hours.

Sunday:

Now, I managed to do fine at work, then went back to my apartment to work on screenwriting homework with some of my classmates, which was actually pretty helpful! Apparently the teacher's been writing nutty (and horrible) "critiques" (aka bashing every choice ever made for no reason other than to apparent hate everything) Having very little sleep, I decided to take a nap after they left. The nap turned into two hours of sleep. Opps. Oh, the joy joy joy.

So I went to the labs, I have two things due by noon tomorrow (today?) and I'm royally screwed.

Although I'm just not giving a flying possum at the moment and I'm just going to try to do as much as possible while I can. I'm going to be busy all Monday because with the fun developments I couldn't meet with my scene partner and that's what I'm going to be doing until my 7 pm class...

If I'm lucky about 10 pm tomorrow I can get out of class and sleep. If I'm lucky. If I'm not, that means I'm going to be pulling a second all nighter and mentally crying the entire time for want of sleep.

Need for Change [This is really just a rant because I feel a terrible need to rant and no one I wish to burden with this tangent]:

I've been stressing myself the hell out about grades (and generally way too high expectations for myself) because I've been behind all term... and right now I just have to say, to hell with grades, I'm just trying to learn the material. I'm probably going to get the worst grades ever this quarter- I know I say that every term but it's nearly true every term... for the first time in my life I think I'm going to get straight Bs.

Yet, even with as hard as I've been working, I'm 90% miserable. I'm trying to plan out a better schedule for the next two weeks /with/ breaks and things... but I doubt it'll work out. Everything turns to ruin sometime.

It's about week 8 for me right now which means term will be over in about 3 weeks. Class will be over at the end of week 10, then week 11 will be finals... but the 2-3 before finals is finals hell, and the 2-3 weeks before midterms (so weeks 3-6) is midterm hell. Basically after week 2, everything is hard core until week 11, 2 months later. Quarter system sucks and it's really hellish, I'm not one to do well with no social life or free time for months at a time. In fact, I'm going mad.

One of my professors (my favorite professor in fact) told me he gets really bad when he doesn't have some free time for creative pursuits at least for a few hours each day. I'm really feeling him on that point. I'm tired of not sleeping very much and not doing anything creative- I'm tired of not eating as often as I should (read: 'bout once or twice a day... if lucky) and I'm tired of not doing laundry, or grocery shopping or just taking care of myself. 

So I'm thinking of forgetting about my grades. In the short term, not taking care of myself to do homework and keep up with my job, works fine. It's an okay system for short term. But... that's every term. EVERY SINGLE TERM. I think by the end of college I will be in terrible shape both mentally and physically. I need sleep, I need to eat, I need to keep myself motivated and sane... If I didn't need college I think I'd just drop the hell out. I like learning but this place just kills my passion for just about everything, especially learning.

I used to love learning, it's my greatest strength- I've always been curious about the world. Now... i don't want to know. I have no desire to learn- because learning is now a chore. If I have to learn any new material, there will probably be an exam on it or somehow I'll be required to know it and apply it for some project so much the new skill will be a chore. Which doesn't make much sense but I just don't want to know anymore.

I have to keep reminding myself why I'm even here just about every week or so when I freak out. I'm really unhappy and things are only okay for a few days at a time.


Also I'm just writing this out for no reason other than to say- College sucks- I'm behind on dA stuff again... and that life happens to suck for no apparent reason.



To anyone reading the ramblings of this madman- I'm sorry you read that, must have been so boring and hard to follow. Go you

DFTBA

Well a lot has happened once again~


College Classes:
I've started a new term once again! [Even if this is week 5, still new]

And screenwriting is sort of kicking my butt. Too much information, too little- random little wrong formatting deals, uninteresting story- I think I've gotten every critique possible at this rate.

Oh! And in acting class we were paired up and put in scenes, I got the Odd Couple! I'm Oscar <W> The messy slob! Perfect for me. It's the scene where the spaghetti linguini is thrown on the wall and Oscar chases Felix around the apartment… and just it's so chaotic, I love it.  

I'm in compositing as well~ Step one of VFX!  I love that part of my major >W< I can't wait to learn even more and just OWN compositing.

Organic modeling- I'm reallly excited about this class. Currently we're making a human but when we're done we'll be making creatures +W+ I LOVE MAKING CREATURES~!

Work:
I got promoted! I'm now a crew head~ I was a trainee for about 3 months- technician for 6 months- and now I'm a crew head! However there is no position higher than this so guess I'm just stuck here P: This means I've been working a lot more. I really hate it when my weekends are gone though… I've worked 3/5 weekends this term… both days. This coming weekend is a work weekend too. Darn it. Not that I mind but I hate not having a day off for a month. (By day off I mean either going to classes and/or working every day) bites. Which brings me to my next point-

Sick:
Second weekend off and I'm sick. First weekend my roommate had someone over so I was "entertaining" during the weekend. Anyhoo… I've been sick for the last week, week and a half-ish time. (It's hard to pinpoint when it started). Either way, all my down time this week I've been pretty much doing nothing- with minimal time spent on homework. Not the best, but not much I could do.

"Social Life": I think I might have one??
I've been going to clubs on campus and heading with my roommate to center city for this support-group-ish type deal where I have a lot of friends *W* And I'm making more friends every time I go! Tons of fun~ And after group we get to go to this sit down place where they have- get this- SMORES! You can order this smores kit and heat up marshmellows over this small flame deal. I love it *W*

I'm now a member of the Jedi Club on campus~ I'm still in training but soon I'm going to get my own lighty-up-stick! (lightsaber). My friend and I have completed our own fight and within the next month I should be getting my saber test. We have to wait until we're more proficient before getting them… mostly because they're dangerous, haha. People have gotten their faces broken.

Super Lucky!
Since april started I've been finding things?? Like I found a transportation pass for the month of april- and I've found coins all over the place (I found a nickel- it's name is Phillip) and I've found this card with money for parking on it? Although… I don't have a car so it's pretty useless… either way, nice month~

Video Games!:
My friend lent me their PSP! I've been playing it while I've been sick and oh my gosh Persona-- It's SO MUCH FUN!! I have been missing much in the realm of video games… holy heck. For once it's got me interested, I really like the story line. In the past video games (not that I played them really… but that ones I've seen) just couldn't get me to be interested. I'll be done with it sometime in the next two weeks, if I have time.

Art Stuff:
I've been drawing more lately! Yet…. I haven't finished anything, haha. All these sketches and nothing done. I'm going to be working on that this week… probably. My art's improved so I'm pretty happy \ o / And I'm going to get my paintings back in a few days so I can take pictures of them and then post 'em +W+ Should be fan-freaking-tastic! I'm drawing more traditionally lately, since I've been out without my computer as of late. No biggy though, I can just use a scanner if I wanted a digital copy. And it's mostly in pen, so good transfer.

Internet Things:
Okay, I'm behind on everything. >>; I'm planning on catching up sometime this week… so if you suddenly get a message from me after /months/ or something of not replying that's because I'm cleaning everything up xD;;; please don't hate me but I've actually been taking care of RL vs Internet life. I've been trying to focus on getting better and eating and cleaning my apartment- and just trying to be a better student and person.

Random Reflection Time!
Before college I thought I had everything figured out- money- friends- where I stood in the world and all of a sudden I've realized how much as shifted. I'm not really friends with the same people I was when I started college, I've been hurt and dragged through the mud. I've gained and lost so much self esteem. My self worth has never hovered so close to zero before.

My world view has sort of expanded? I'm culturally more aware- like I could discuss the difference between brush strokes of a painting from the impressionist era painter from those of the neoclassicam painters. I could have interesting conversations on feminism and the implications of gender. I can even explain how some of the finer pieces of code work. (Not that discussing code is all that interesting)

I've realized when juggling work and college and life in general I suck completely. I've been trying since the start of college to do it all, but I can't. I have so many limits, like I can't just work for weeks on end… I just don't function well like that. I need breaks (not that I really get them, damn this program is super intense!)

But I've figured out where I stand with my strengths as well. I am smart and creative- and honestly I can do whatever I put my mind to. [the mind part is the /hardest/] I never would have thought at this point in my life I'd have so many skills (more useless ones to add to my collection) and how much I would grow. I can appreciate the best moments because I've lived through my worst and I'm really happy.

Man college just FULL of learning. You want to learn about something? Go learn it. Experiment with everything possible. [I do not mean drugs or anything of the illegal nature however] I'm just so lucky.


TL;DR: I'm real happy and life's been super great this month!!

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST >W< HOPEFULLY I CAN BE MORE ACTIVE ON THE INTERNETS~!

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

-The Lorax by Dr. Seuss

td;dr : February is Apathy Month

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It's just a little past midterms right now. And you know how things that ultimately crush my soul happens in the middle of midterms? This term was no exception. But that's quite alright, life will go on and the problem won't be as much of a problem forever.

Lately I've been reflecting on what I've done this term in regards to school work and how much time I've had for actually spending time with friends- which for the most part has been a lot. Which means I've really haven't been busy because everyone else is busy as well.

I think I'm at a point in college where I just don't want to do college any longer. I've been at this for over a year and everything just seems like busy work. I just don't feel any motivation to do much of anything at the moment.

I really just don't feel like drawing- I don't feel like RPing- I don't really feel like doing anything that makes me happy. I'm at a weird state of apathy. It seems all I want to do is sleep. And the funniest thing is I have no clue why. I want to want to do things… but ultimately I don't. I'm glad I don't have too much to do course wise because it would never get done and I'd fail out of school.

Weird thing- I think I have almost straight As this term?  I only have homework for Typography I, Animation II, and Interactive Media- aka the "Flash class". I'm looking forward to next term because hopefully I'll get some energy and motivation to work.

Maybe I've been so stressed in my personal life that it's come to the point that I'm done with everything. If I fail, I fail, whatever sort of noncaring existence? It could be my sleeping cycle- I see less than 2 hours of sun a day- which is bad for the human body. I dunno….

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So yeah Apathy strikes when I least expect it : |

Question: How are you guys? What's up with all of you? TELL ME THINGS BECAUSE I WANNA KNOW.

Lyhn and Kazu say:

Hiems is open again! now you can all stop sleeping in my naping spots Hurry up and get in your rooms! New Guests welcome, we're happy to have you!

Joy to the world, now you can all file back inside and return to your sad little lives. FUN! Be quick though, because we’ve made sure not to overflow this time around. That’s right, as if one of you weren’t already enough to deal with.

Staff Life

*yawns* What else is damn new!? We’ve been working our asses off trying to tidy up the place after the mess you all made, so you really oughta’ thank us for that. What more do you want!? Ach, I know. What I can tell you is that the mansion will be hosting a new batch of staff for us higher admin to order around, HhHmHm. NO, this doesn’t mean some of you will be appointed to staff but we’ve managed to gather some extra hands to help in the areas that aren’t tower-based. We’ll keep you posted- probably.

Mansion Mood

The mansion is really really excited to have its guests back to play with it. Well… sort of. It’s also rather mad that guests can hide in their rooms now. It’s decided if you are intending to get to your room, you have to go through three challenges. And each time it’s different. For example, I had to balance a weird living box with wings on top of a moving ball, dodge a bunch of angry fleyes, and make it a non-fish sandwich. Good luck getting to your new rooms once you actually sign up for them.

RP Prompt

Vell, what with the clean sweep, we’ve kicked you all from your rooms once more. I imagine you all had a BLAST sleeping outside and enjoying the plethora of obnoxious fleyes? That’s more than enough of a story for you to tell, not that we’ll be paying attention. Furthermore, I don’t recall seeing too much popularity regarding rooms? You may get a new roommate and the rooms have been cut down to hold however many guests per tower so NO one misses out! Don’t want a roommate? Should’ve thought about that before you entered your introverted ass into the mansion.

Draw or write about your guest’s new room! Maybe they themselves had a makeover? Show us the new you~

Current Openings

We’re open permanently with a limit of 60 guests per tower! We’ll inform you in later weekly updates when spots open if they all fill up~



Time: 55/60 spots open
Moon: 40/60 spots open
Void: 51/60 spots open
Light: 58/60 spots open

New Slime Covered Things

Updated Hiems guidelines

If you haven’t seen already- there’s some new things written up for all of you to read before reentering the mansion! We really want to keep the eye happy and things to be happily chaotic instead of hellish. Please read these!

Application

Once you have read the rules above, it’s time to work on your application! It’s so beautiful, you might as well use it.

Ligts

Once again, we have ligts! If you’re a returning member, no worries, we’ve saved your Ligt totals, nothing has been lost or eaten perhaps a little gnawed on. We have a brand new way that more easily shows off our members in our Ligts Journals! It should make things easier when you want to find someone new to RP with!
~
Example:

ay4u - Lyhn
RP Preferences: Gore/Torture, One on One, AU, Casual
Ligt Count: 3,800

Tower Ligt Lists

Past Art

We know you’ve been making Hiems art for the last month and a half! It’s time to submit them and get your well deserved Ligts! Please wait until you’re back in to submit them however as we want to have you in our new records. : )

Guest of the Week

Remember that we’ll be having a guest of the week from now on! Guest of the week is randomly chosen from the four tower weekly features. If you draw this guest, you’ll get a 1.5x multiplier in Ligts! That’s more than usual- Wow!

Our current Guest of the week issssss: Kazu! (oh joy)

Species: Evil
Likes: Pickled baby snakes, blood, messing with people
Dislikes: Being touched, humans, analytic people
Owner: Bootsii

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I’m sorry to report that the wonderful viralremix is no longer with Hiems Mansion. We’re deeply saddened to see them go but we thank them for all the time, dedication, and all of their contributions. The mansion is an even more wondrous place with all they’ve done and it’s grown considerably because of their efforts. We all wish them the best of luck with their new endeavors. They’ll always have a place in the mansion.  

Their characters Drake and Helmy have left us with a farewell. We’ll miss you!

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Weekly Riddle

Solve the weekly riddle to earn 5 Ligts! You must NOTE the group with your answer.
You wouldn't want people taking your answer in the comments, right?

I’m round and squishy,
yet crunchy and delicious,
The most common of treats,
the tastiest of Hiems dishes!